Of Babies and Mayhem!
by mike50333
Summary: A collection of one-shots or short tales that I wish I could include in Destiny's Crossroads, but can't.  Hint on the first chapter is in the title. :p
1. Baby Hijinks Part 1

Title: _**Of Mayhem and Babies **_

Description: _**A collection of one-shots (or two-shots) that I wish I could include in Destiny's Crossroads, but can't. Hint on the first chapter is in the title. :p**_

Disclaimer: *grumbles to lawyer about doing this _**every freaking time!**_* I, the person known only as mike50333, also known as the Madd_0x, hereby declare that I possess absolutely no ownership of the animated series entitled Avatar: the Last Airbender, or any elements therein, including characters, environments, item titles, fireflakes, that freaky awesome serpent thing with the green scales that Zuko killed in the pilot, etc.

I only own Zhàn and Mushi.

* * *

Chapter One: Baby Hijinks – Part 1

Zhàn lay in his cozy divan, drinking in the afternoon sun as it fell in through the window and graced his skin with its renewing warmth. The soldier was taking a brief rest after sparring with Ty Lee. It was a long and exhausting bout of exercise, and he fought valiantly without his bending (Ty made him promise not to firebend at her), but alas the lack of fire shooting from his fists proved to be the ultimate handicap, and his efforts was simply a belaboring of the finger-jabbing, chi-blocking inevitable.

After such exercises, he enjoyed to rest in the open sun; the heat from that giant star would rejuvenate his energy and help him refresh. On the exotic cay of Ember Island, he could've easily accomplished this at the beach; nobody outside of the Gaang would see him, and the sand was always nice and comfy. However, his bed in the Fire Lord's summer home was _much _more comfy.

_I wonder if I can buy this house once the war's over…_

Snuggled comfortably under the covers, he was almost asleep when he was interrupted by a cheerful voice.

"Wake up sleepyhead!"

Zhàn groaned and looked up to see Ty Lee standing in the doorway. Despite his annoyance at having his sleep disrupted, he still smiled. What was it about this girl that made her shine like a beacon of flame whenever he saw her? Taking another look at his friend, he noticed that she was wearing a new ensemble.

Replacing her circus garbs was a casual-looking dress. It was a two-piece, like her former wear, with a top and a skirt. The skirt was muddy brown in color; it reached down to her ankles and was pinched into an elegant ruffled slit up the front. A pointed crimson loincloth covered anything that might've been exposed, and the skirt was tied off by a thin, equally crimson sash. Her top matched the skirt in color and was accented by the crimson bows that also served to keep it tied together at the front.

"Well this is new. Where'd you get that outfit?" Zhàn asked.

"It's not really that new, I've worn this before," Ty clarified.

"Really?" Zhàn asked. "When?"

"About two months ago, back during the Summer Solstice."

"Aww, yeah. You mentioned that being the last time you came to Ember Island, right? When you, Mai and the royal siblings burned down that jerk's house?"

Ty nodded. Zhàn smirked.

"Have I ever said that y'all are nuts?"

"_Don't judge us,_" Mai chastised dryly as she drifted past the door.

Zhàn stared briefly before continuing. "…Well, needless to say, it looks very nice on you," he complemented, to which Ty Lee smiled gratefully. "So, whaddaya need, hun?"

"I was wondering if you could go with me to buy a hair clip?"

Zhàn pondered this briefly as he sat up in the bed. "…You're gonna make me go regardless, aren't you?"

"Yup!" the acrobat chirped.

"Fine," Zhàn sighed. "But _you're _paying. I spent _waaay _too much on my outfit, and I'm low on gold coins."

Ty Lee's face scrunched in confusion. "But, I thought you said the other day that you'd spent four hours convincing the shop owner to lower the cost."

"Yeah, but I didn't say he actually _did _drop the price."

"Well whose idea was it to buy something so pricey, anyway?"

"Sokka," Zhàn confessed immediately and sincerely. "He said he could tell you were into pricey, elite-y stuff."

Ty Lee made no efforts to constrain her laughter. "You actually listened to _Sokka?_ The same guy who kept pissing off Suki during the play?"

"I didn't have a choice; I made him a bet that if Katara could beat Toph in a bending match, he had to follow all of my dating advice."

"You should know by now not to bet against Toph," Ty Lee reminded with a smirk. "The girl can even beat _me_ and you know that's no easy feat."

Zhàn rubbed the side of his head. "Yeah, I'm still sore from that roundhouse kick. I still say that was cheating; using a martial art that I didn't know anything about."

"It's not _my _fault you don't know Tessenjutsu, and it's not cheating that Suki's training me in that, either," Ty scoffed.

"But if Tessenjutsu deals with using an opponent's force against them, then what was the _roundhouse kick_ about?"

"To knock you down, of course. You're always reminding me to be prepared for the swift and unexpected, and since you were blocking my Kyusho Jutsu moves, I had to try something you wouldn't expect."

Zhàn rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Ms. Ninja."

_"Nope, that's me,"_ Mai droned as she passed by the door again.

Zhàn glared in annoyance after Ms. Gloomy, then turned back to Ty.

"Okay Ty, give me about ten minutes to get redressed and fix up my hair, and we'll go."

"Yay!" With her friend now hooked, Ty spun around on a heel and skipped out the room and down the hall.

Zhàn smiled at this, until realization hit him. He was accompanying a _girl _to a shopping errand. An ominous shiver crept up his spine, accompanied with a short wave of nausea. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm gonna hate this?"

* * *

"Thank you, Mr. Mushi!" Ty yelled to the shopkeeper from the store entrance. "I love this sapphire necklace!"

"My pleasure, little lady!" the elderly man cried back. He then chuckled as a second person slowly shuffled past him. "Careful, sonny. Don't wanna drop the lady's wardrobe, do we?"

"No…Sir," a muffled voice strained from behind the wall of apparel.

Outside along the small plaza at the center of the Island's shopping district, Ty Lee cartwheeled over to the fountain. Passing over the thin layer of water jets, she basked in the coolness of the drenching rain as she launched herself into the air, flipped and landed in the fountain's center, providing relief in the squelching heat of the midday sun. Stepping out from under the curtain of water and back into the glaring sunlight, she saw something that made her laugh hysterically.

A distance behind, a giant heap of clothing stalked after her, shivering in exhaustion. "Ty? 'an ei fhese 'it doww?" Before she could even try to respond, the heap capsized, burying Zhàn alive.

The girl waltzed over to the apparel mount, still laughing, and sifted through them until a face appeared.

"I swear…to Agni…I am _never shopping…with you…**again!**" _Zhàn gasped with sweat covering his face.

Ty Lee's laughter finally downgraded to a light giggle. "You okay?

"Heck no, I'm not okay!" Zhàn proclaimed scathingly. "How in the world did a simple errand to get a _hair clip, _turn into _this?"_

"Hey, if I'm gonna be incognito on Ember Island, I may as well look good while doing it," Ty Lee defended.

"But we haven't even gotten your stupid clip yet!"

"Then we'll keep looking!" Ty's voice spiked in determination. "Hair clips can make or break a look! And I didn't feel pretty enough without one last time. Besides…" Her cheer was back with a smirk. "These are all on sale. The only thing better than finding something you were looking for is finding something you _weren't _looking for when it's on sale!"

Zhàn could find 100 things wrong with her reasoning, but instead sighed in yield. He knew there was no convincing Ty Lee to give any of this back (not that the lack of a return policy by the clothing merchants would've helped…). "Whatever. Can you just take half the stack so I don't break my back on the way hom-…do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Zhàn dug himself out of the clothing mound and stared down the street.

"Zhàn, what is it?" Ty asked, concerned by his sudden entranced stare.

Not answering her question, the soldier jumped out of the pile of clothes and bolted down the cobblestone street. Ty Lee stared down the street and started to follow when she remembered. "Zhàn, wait! What about my clothes?"

* * *

As Zhàn sprinted down the largely vacant shopping plaza, the sound of crying grew louder in his ears. Before long, his eyes locked onto a small wicker basket set upon the doorstep of a small flower boutique. The sound of distress appeared to be coming from it.

"Aww, please don't tell me…"

Stopping at the basket he knelt down. There was something inside the basket, swaddled under what looked like two or three layers of auburn-colored covers. Zhàn motioned a hand peel off the layers of blanket, but then he froze. Normally, to have a baby was considered a great blessing; for someone to abandon a baby in the Fire Nation usually meant that the infant was in some sort of grave condition. A flood of possible reasons and justifications for its abandonment overwhelmed his mind- some plausible, some grim, none truly comforting. Fighting past his fear, the soldier shut his eyes and pulled back the covers…

Squinting open his eyes, his heart burst with relief. Defying all of his worries and gruesome predictions, he saw the most adorable, innocent and healthy looking baby he'd ever seen in his life. He was very small, with large, glowing amber eyes. A small patch of black hair sat upon the crown of his head. The little guy was spellbinding as Zhàn stared helplessly at the small bundle of joy and hope that lay screaming in the basket.

But then his heart ached again with sadness. "I don't understand it…why would someone abandon a perfectly healthy baby like this…?"

Picking up the small toddler, he tried to quiet him down by rocking him and stroking his head, but to no avail."

"Zhàn! Zhàn, where are you?" Ty Lee called, sounding both concerned and slightly angered.

"Over here, Ty!" the boy shouted back up the street, knowing better than to hide from a master chi-blocking juggernaut of an acrobat. As he saw her approach he got ready for the earful he was sure to get for leaving her with all those clothes on the ground.

"Zhàn, don't you know how rude it is to leave a lady alone with-" Ty stopped and beamed upon seeing the little one in his arms. "Hey, I didn't know you had a baby brother."

"I don't," Zhàn replied in haste. "Do you know how to make him clam up?"

"Well for one, you don't ask babies to 'clam up," Ty Lee teased while placing something from her shoulder onto the ground beside her. "Hand him to me, I'll take care of him."

Zhàn did as he was told and gave the tike to Ty Lee. She did the exact same thing that Zhàn had done, but in _her _arms, the infant almost immediately settled. One moment later, he was quietly cooing, his eyes drooping with weariness. The older boy stared in bewilderment.

"Okay…is it a girl thing that you were able to do that just now, or do you just have magic baby-calming powers?"

"No, the little guy was probably feeling uncomfortable 'cause of your aura. Your red was clashing with his dark blue; it was making him even more upset than he already was."

"Does _everything_ with you find its way to involving auras?" Zhàn asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Ty responded with a smile, undaunted by Zhàn's cynicism. "You'd be surprised how often auras and chi tie into everyday life." She then glanced down to the basket that still lay on the entryway of the boutique. "So, you found him in the basket?"

"Uh huh. What I'm scratching my head about is _why _he's in this basket. He's perfectly healthy – why would anyone just abandon him like this?"

Zhàn was calm while voicing his concerns, but Ty Lee could tell that it struck a nerve with him. "To be honest, I don't know… Hey, I've got an idea!"

Zhàn perked a brow in interest.

"What if we take him back to the summer house with us?"

The soldier stared dubiously at his friend. "I don't know if that's feasible. I mean, it's already hard to feed nine people, and we're nearly down to rations. Sokka might die of malnutrition if we add in another member to our little family. Besides, won't it be hard to raise a kid while we're prepping for the Comet?"

"Silly, I'm not talking about _keeping_ him, just taking care of him until we find either his mom or someone else to care for him." Zhàn still stared with uncertainty. "Oh, come on, Zhàn! You know we can't just leave him out here!"

He let the thought sit on his mind for a brief time, but went ahead and yielded to Ty Lee's command. "Fine, we'll care for him."

Ty beamed in joy. "Yay! Thank you Zhàn, tha-!"

"But we can't let anyone else find out about him. Last thing we need is everyone spazzing out because there's a baby in our camp."

"Aww, Pee-shaw!" Ty dismissed with a wave of her hand, slinging the now sleeping infant against her shoulder. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Zhàn could think of ten things right off the bat, but neglected to voice them; he didn't want to dim her spirits. Then as his eyes drifted down, he spotted a sizable wicker tote, the item she'd placed down earlier. "What's up with the bag?"

Ty followed his eyes till they landed on the same bag. "Oh, Mushi was generous enough to give me one of his carrying bags for free."

Looking back at the bag, Zhan saw a small mound of color bursting from the top. "And of course, your clothes are in here," he commented, hoping she'd actually returned some of those 'on sale' items.

"Yup, every single piece."

Zhàn stared at the bag, then at Ty Lee, and then at the bag again. "You expect me to believe that _that_ **_mountain_** of clothes I was lugging across the plaza earlier – you expect me to believe all that is in _that _bag?"

"Yup," Ty Lee repeated. "Unlike you, I folded my things. Hey, do you mind carrying that for me?"

"What?"

"Thanks!"

With that, Ty Lee bounced along the cobblestone pathway leading out of the plaza. As he knelt down and struggled just to pick up the same bag that she seemed to effortlessly tout on her shoulder, one thought came to mind.

_We _still_ never got that stupid hairclip._

_

* * *

Welp, that's all for now, folks. I hope you enjoyed the spasmatics of my brain (I know spasmatic isn't a word, mr. vocabulary/grammar nazi hitler!) Regardless, please hit the little button below that's hovering in the center of the page and say something. Anything. I really don't care what.  
_


	2. Baby Hijinks Part 2

Chapter Two: Baby Hijinks (Part Two)

* * *

"Okay, it looks like the coast is clear," Zhán whispered, seeing nobody in the rear courtyard upon their return to the house.

"Well that's good, but how do we get him in there without anyone noticing?" Ty Lee hissed back in inquiry.

Zhán glanced at Ty's tote. "Maybe we can smuggle him in with your bag. Put him in and toss some of your stuff on top?"

"No way," Ty protested, "I'm not gonna have baby drool all over my clothes!"

The soldier crossed his arms and frowned in reprimand. "Ty, don't you think you're being just a _little _selfish?"

"No, but I think _you _are! You just wanna get back at me for making you shop with me!"

"No I don't," Zhán quickly denied. "I wanna get back at you for making me carry all your stuff."

"See, I told you, you're being selfish!" Ty rebuked.

Zhán rolled his eyes. "I never said I wasn't."

"A gentleman _always_ carries a woman's stuff," Ty pointed out with a discontented sigh.

Zhán scoffed. "Hey, I'm all for being a gentleman, but there should seriously be a weight limit amended to that rule."

"You know-" Ty and Zhán both winced in shock "-with all the time you two have wasted arguing about carrying the bag, you could've snuck him in there by now."

Following the voice, they saw Mai standing behind them, leaning against one of the trees that ringed the house.

Zhán frowned in agitation. "I thought _Ty Lee _was supposed to be the sneaky one."

"Told you I was the ninja of the group," Mai rebutted dully.

"How long have you been there?" Ty asked.

"Long enough. If you want, I can help you all get past everyone."

"Really?" Ty beamed.

"Sure, but it'll cost you."

Not at all concerned with the consequences, Ty immediately replied, "Sure! Name it!"

Mai smirked. _I've been waiting for this…_

* * *

Zhán sat in his room, leaning against the wall as he rocked the baby in his arms. It cooed and fussed, fighting off sleep. To Zhán's relief, he saw that it was a losing battle for the baby as his eyelids began to droop heavily. Zhán started to hum, hoping to nudge the tike along into the World of Dreams.

"_I wonder what little guys like you dream about?"_

The teen looked up when he heard the door creak open and saw Ty Lee shuffle inside. He barely contained a snicker.

"Hmm. That _definitely _is not one of your outfits."

Ty Lee scowled at him. "Mai made me wear her gloomy clothes and act gloomy all afternoon. I've never felt grayer in my life."

"I think that's Karma getting back at you for buying all that stuff."

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

Zhán smirked. "Not in this life or the next."

The baby began to squirm in his arms, fussing lightly as if to say 'Shut up, I'm trying to sleep, here!'

"We might wanna keep it down," Zhán whispered, pointing to the infant. Ty Lee slapped a hand over her mouth dramatically as she whispered her apologies.

"Tell you what. Since you're suffering because of Karma shining its beaming smile upon me, I'll let you treat me like a punching bag tonight after dinner. How's that?"

She smirked. "As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll pass. I just wanna talk it out, this time."

Zhán gave a small smile of relief. "Deal."

* * *

After supper, Zhán allowed Ty to vent about the horrors of her torment endured of Mai and how it all disrupted the cheery brightness of her aura. When she finished, he decided to swallow his pride and apologized for being so unrelenting and hypocritical in his criticism of her purchasing choices. She smiled at this and accepted the apology.

They then looked over towards the setting sun; it was easy to spot from the roof as it drew nearer the horizon, their vision unencumbered by the tree line below them.

"So, how's the baby treating you?" Ty asked.

"Pretty good, really. I must admit, you were right. Once I calmed down and thought peaceful thoughts, he lulled right to sleep."

"Told ya'. When _you're _calm, they're calm," Ty Lee said, "unless they went potty in their pants, or something."

"Of course," Zhán smirked. "And I thank you for teaching me how to deal with that."

"One of the benefits of having six sisters, 'specially when you're not the youngest." Her smile grew stronger. "You know, I think he's helped you just as much as you've helped him. You seem to be more at peace today."

Zhán lay back on the sloped roof. "Well, I guess a baby would help take my mind off of worrying about training an immature Avatar and prepping for a doomsday comet," he admitted. "Though we shouldn't forget, it's only been one day, and we haven't even gotten to bedtime. Plenty can still go wrong."

"I'm sure everything will turn out fine… Wait, bedtime? Didn't you put him to sleep when we went to dinner?"

"I'm talking about _our _bedtime. I'm really hoping he sleeps through the night."

"I think he'll be fine," Ty said with a warm smile. "He's very content around you. He feels nurtured and safe…hey, speaking of safe, where's he going to sleep?"

"No worries," Zhán assured lightly, "I set up my covers on the floor by the bed and gave him one of my pillows to put that big head on."

"Wow. I'm impressed, Dad," she teasingly praised.

Zhán rolled his eyes, acknowledging the lighthearted jab. "Well, it's not like _I_ need the covers. I'm a firebender, I'm always warm when I sleep." He looked to the sun, silently giving it thanks for his elemental blessing.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Yeah. Plus with it being sum-" Zhán ripped his gaze back to Ty Lee. "You _noticed?_ When?"

Ty Lee's blush was so red-hot that it matched the color of their setting star. "I- i-in the cave! When I w-wa-was nursing you back to health!"

"Suuure." The aghast in his voice was gone and his tone normalized. A smirk slit his face. "So were you nursing me back to health when you were sneaking into my room, too?"

"Well it's not like I did anything to you in there! I…I really need to stop talking."

Zhán laughed as she buried her head into her arm-laced knees in shame.

"Kid, relax. It's no harm done, no foul," he said as he put a hand on her shoulder. "I mean, we're best friends. It's kinda obvious you're not trying to poison me or anything, don't worry about it."

Ty Lee raised her head and smiled graciously at Zhán. "Well, since I'm busted now, do you mind if I hang out with the baby for a little while?"

The boy shrugged. "Sure. I need to spar with Aang and Zuko anyway, before we all turn in."

Ty simply nodded, then got up and started towards the roof edge, to the window of Zhán's room. The soldier walked along the roof towards the back of the house. He reached the pagoda's center when he turned back to Ty, who was about to jump off.

"By the way, just what _do _you be doing in my room when I'm asleep?"

Ty grinned sincerely. "I pray to the Spirits to keep you safe and healthy." Zhán looked slightly confused at this confession, and was even more confused when Ty Lee spanned the space between them to hug him. He simply looked on as she released her embrace and cartwheeled to the roof edge before flipping herself into the room. When she was gone, he couldn't help but smile.

"Ty's got a lot of heart. That's for certain."

"Yup, that she does."

Zhán rubbed the temple of his head with his thumb and groaned. "Mai, would you _quit _with the ninja stuff?"

* * *

Morning began as it always did on Ember Island. The sun broke over the horizon, the birds chirped merrily, and the sound of the morning tide ushered in the time for waking. Zhán awoke in his bed and stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Well, I slept well last night. How 'bout you, buddy?"

Zhán looked down beside the bed and his heart sank when he saw a sprawled mess of coverings with no baby in sight. Immediately he ran through the room, looking in every possible, probable, and even ridiculous place for that infant, but turned up with nothing. Then something told him to look at the door. It was ajar.

"Oh no."

The soldier shoved his legs into a pair of pants, threw on a shirt and darted out the room and into Ty Lee's, which was only two doors down. When he reached the room, he burst in and rushed to wake her.

"Ty, get up! _Get_ _up!_" he demanded, rocking her roughly.

The acrobat's eyes flew open and she shrieked, immediately jabbing at Zhán's throat. He quickly responded by blocking the poke with a closed fist. Feeling exposed in only her sleeping gown, she retreated to the far corner of her bed with the covers drawn to her chest. She then looked at her intruder long enough to make an ID.

"Zhán? What are you _doing in my room?_"

"Ty, did you come into my room last night?" the boy asked shortly.

"What?"

"My room. Did you go in there last night?"

"Well, yeah…for a few minutes," Ty answered. "I was checking up on you and the baby."

"Did you close the door when you left?"

Ty Lee's face turned a sickly white. "Oh no, the baby's loose?"

_I'll take that as a yes, _Zhán thought. "Okay, try to calm down, Ty. We _need_ to find him before someone else does." She nodded and they both ran out and into the hall.

"If we can just find the little bugger before anyone else wakes up, we'll be okay," Zhán reassured.

"Okay, where do we start looking?" Ty asked.

"**WHAT'S THIS BABY DOING EATING MY SEAL JERKY?"**

Zhán and Ty Lee both winced at the outburst. Zhán's neck creaked with dread as he turned to address Ty Lee's concern.

"I guess we could start in Sokka's room…"

They didn't have to look long because the meat-aholic stormed into the hall, holding the baby by the back of the shirt and looking dead at the duo with a face that could possibly even slay Ozai.

"You… _YOU TWO_ BROUGHT THIS JERKFACED JERKY-EATING JERK HERE, DIDN'T YOU?"

_I don't know what's worse; the fact that everything just fell apart around us, or the fact that Sokka's actually _scaring _me, _Zhán thought.

Suki and Katara shuffled to join the tribesman. "Sokka, would you keep it dow- what's with the kid?"

"Kid?" Zuko stormed into the hallway. "We're supposed to be prepping for the comet, not babysitting!"

Now it was Toph's turn, her hair spiked like a boar-cupine. "Whoever caused this ruckus is gonna be stomped six-feet under!"

Sokka pointed to the guilty party. Zhán and Ty Lee simply stared back at the seething mad Sokka, fear paralyzing them where they stood as death literally surrounded them.

"We're not gonna live to explain this, are we?" Ty Lee whimpered.

"Nope," Mai answered, standing behind them.

Zhán simply sighed. _All this because the girl wanted a hairclip._


End file.
